Broken Steps
Every First step begins with a bit of insecurity, every victory begins when we place our steps in the hand of the potter.
To Know God is to Know Yourself through His eyes and heart
Father, Lead
There are many of us who take a look at Christianity and the complexity of information complicates our paths, in reality the Lord only wants us to know His heart. I remember being so confused by rules, opinions and regulations no human can fully follow. I do not want to say I was blinded by modern day Pharisees and their opinions, but the reality was I received too much information, and very little direction.
My life was full of questions and faulty beliefs.
The way I understood church was a basic weekly study of rules and laws to follow so we don’t end up in hell; rules that often went unfollowed anyway.
I was working under false pretenses in which I felt completely lost and useless. I was filled with these ideas that my prayers were not being answered because I was not speaking the proper words. So often I grew frustrated because I thought there had to be some magic words in Christianity that everyone knew, except for me. I often heard people say, “surrender it to God, give it to God, trust in God” Ok! Great! Would you please mind telling me how?!
I felt so lost, defeated and completely hopeless. Each time I prayed over something and yet months later still woke up to the same problem, I thought to myself how pointless prayer was. But prayer was stale behind a bleeding heart. I prayed but in passing, I prayed but not really expecting a response.
I fought myself, I fought my past, I fought God Himself- I was just filled with anger; completely convinced that God was hiding from me. Certainly God, like my earthly father was only there for His favorite children. My heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces. I carried a pain I thought would be with me forever and so often I contemplated seeing myself out of this planet. My idea of life was so bleak and I functioned under mounds of bitterness and hatred at the very thought of being forced to exist.
I carried long paragraphs of a shattered childhood, accompanied by the weight of rejection, deconstruction and a warped version of identity.
The battle was heavy. Any hope of redemption stagnant in the face of insecurity and a sense of abandonment. The journey to know the Lord was a jagged path and one in which He often offered to take the load, and in anger I refused to let Him. Exhaustion was a constant companion, one I could not shake.
Thank God for being patient. In His ever lasting love and mercy He already had a plan in store for my redemption- but I would not make it easy. Still in this path I would fight Him, and I would make it hard for new patterns and beliefs to flourish.
In fear and in the name of synthetic safety I often served as my very own stumbling block.
With the understanding that there are others walking the world the same way I did, I wanted to create a space, a world were being broken is not a sign of eternal condemnation, but an opportunity for grace to show just how good God truly is and how His love only longs to hold and love us as we are, on our journey to meeting who God created us to be.
I want to make it clear, that this blog is a shaky start, free of perfection and self wisdom, this is a step of faith to share and hope it helps anyone who see value in it.
Fruits of the Spirit
A simple overview of the fruit we receive when we come to the Lord
Love- Agape
The love of God is unmatched. It is a selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional form of love. The best way He demonstrated what true love is was depicted through the sacrifice His son laid out for us for the sake of our salvation.
Ephesians 5:2
Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Joy
The word tells us that trials and tribulations will be a certain part of life, however in the Lord we have the promise that though we face these challenges through Him, joy is still possible and that because of this we will have peace that the world will not understand.
Nehemiah 8:10
10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Peace
The peace of the Lord does not require the absence of conflict, as a matter of fact that only requirement is that we trust in Him.
John 14:27
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Patience
Patience is one of the core aspects of love, it requires sacrifice and it bears all things. Without it love fails and loses sight of God’s calling at hand. Patience is a gift, developed for ourselves and for good of others. That Is God’s heart-we demonstrate patience as He has been patient with us. While patience is a passive offering, it does come with a call to action, Romans 12:12 tells us that as we sit in patience we are to continue to pray though whatever situation or challenge we are facing.
Romans 12:12
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Kindness
In a world that is filled with news and images that break our hearts and depletes our hope if we allow it, the Lord has called us to demonstrate kindness and be the salt in a world losing flavor for grace and life.
Have you noticed how a simple act of kindness at times goes viral on social media? It is no coincidence- the world is thirty for good news and acts of genuine kindness. It is becoming so rare now that we decided such acts deserve recognition.
Jesus is the ultimate source of kindness and we have been called to be like Him.
(ESV): "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you".
Goodness
One of the best ways I have heard “Goodness” described was - An uprightness of heart and life. A genuine desire to be a blessing characterized by deeds motivated by righteousness.
A heart seeking to do or be good must be willing to be consecrated to God and anointed by His hand. Goodness does not come from ourselves, but it is a characteristic developed by God, as we seek to live lives that honor Him.
"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights."
Faithfulness
The word teaches us that when we come to the Lord for all of our needs, fears, thoughts, hopes, we can trust that He will show up. God will find you in the mess, in the heartbreak, in our weakness, struggles, the Lord will show up. God is faithful in a way no one else can. God is faithful, God is good, God responds.
Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV) states: "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Gentleness
In my walk of life and the brokenness it has left behind for me, I have found as a woman that I have had to seek the softness due to me from the very hand of the Lord. My bruised heart has been broken so often that I have found myself unable to move and yet God in His mercy has constantly received me into gentle arms.
Isaiah 40:11 (NIV) reads: "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."
Self-Control
Self-control has been described as greater than willpower. I thought about what this meant and what makes it different is the intent behind the action, as well as how th Lord designed it. Self-control is a fruit of the spirt - a fruit that is received as the Lord develops our characters to be more like Him.
Titus 2:11-12
Teaches us that grace helps us denounce ungodliness and live self-controlled lives.
Proverbs 25:28 (ESV): "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."